-begin transmission
Report coded: M322307.15
83-517:Aries Prime-Skye94/Kzer-Za
Report received: M321056.04
95.4915-Taneloth37-Maign/Devlan
To: Imperial Intelligence
From: Senior Observor-Investigator Kalriss
Subject: The Emperor's Samaritans
Legion II of the Adeptus Astartes:
The Emperor's Samaritans
Primarch: Neddus Flanderius
Colors: Green and Pink
The Emperor's Samaritans is a textbook Legion, and is almost completely orthodox. In fact, it is nigh impossible to find any fault with any of them. They are unwavering in their devotion to the Emperor, and fight with unmatchable skill on the field. They have never lost a battle, and events always seem to happen to their advantage. Nonetheless, fewer and fewer Marine Legions are willing to fight alongside the Samaritans, though this does not seem to dismay them or their Primarch. In recent years, Space Wolf Primarch Leman Russ has been reprimanded several times for speaking with Neddus in near-hostile tones ("Shut up, Flanderius."), but several other Primarchs have privately confessed to wanting very badly to do the same. If Neddus has taken any offense to this treatment, he hides it well.
Transcript from an intercepted communication:
*intercepted transmission begins*
"Hi-diddly-odilly, Brother-Sergeant Amael!"
*static* "...idilly-adilly, Brother-Captain Littonius!"
"Brother-Sergeant Amael, *indecipherable* please send a report my way?."
"Oh-diddily-okilly, Brother-Captain Littonius."
"Super-idilly-icious, Brother-Sergeant Amael."
*garbled* "...At 0500 hours, Squads Be'lal and Mattias met and engaged our almost downright inhospitable heretic neighbor buddies."
"Whoa Nellie, my good Brother-Sergeant! I certainly hope you didn't run into any problemeenies!"
"No-sirree-Bob! No survivors on the heretics' side, and no casualties on ours... *static*...a-okay! Report ends, Capta-reeno."
"Fan-ta-tidilly-tastic, Brother-Sergeant Amael. *garbled*...to go! Remember, the Emperor loves us!"
"And we love him, too! Thanks a million! Over-andidilly-out."
*intercepted transmission ends*
Prognosis of the Situation:
The Emperor's Samaritans are causing severe morale problems within the
Adeptus Astartes. Three Legions have threatened to defect to the side of
the thrice-accursed Rebels if the Samaritans are not turned away. Clearly,
decisive action must be taken if this damnable rebellion is to be put to
rest cleanly and quickly. Something must be done about the Samaritans,
and now.
Recommendations Regarding the Emperor's Samaritans:
If I may speak openly, my honored peers...
Virus-bombing is too good for them.
-end transmission
(editor's notes/epilog:
During the Horus Heresy, the Samaritans were involved in many of the initial conflicts. Every time, a Loyalist Chapter would be in dire straits, and the Samaritans would show up to relieve them, and through a combination of good fortune for the Samaritans and bad luck for the Rebels, the day would instantly be won, with the Samaritans coming out smelling like roses every time. Some superstitious heretics noted that the universe just seemed to like the Samaritans. This, combined with the aggravating speech patterns of the chapter, led the Loyalist forces to offer the Samaritans over to Horus' forces. As it turned out, none of Horus' Marines were willing to stand alongside the Samaritans, either, and the deal fell through.
However, on Yarrant III, the entirety of the Emperor's Samaritans Chapter was caught in the middle of a large conflict, supported by elements of the Space Wolves Marine Legion, and facing a larger combined force of Traitor Night Lords and Wordbearers. When the Samaritans appeared on the scene, a run of bad luck immediately began to plague the Rebel forces. This was reversed, however, when the Space Wolves, as one, turned on the Emperor's Samaritans and attacked them from the rear. Joined by the Night Lords and Wordbearers, the Space Wolves slaughtered the Emperor's Samaritans to a man, leaving no survivors, not even (especially, actually) their Primarch. Naturally, the Night Lords and Wordbearers immediately attacked and destroyed the Space Wolves, and posthumous honors were subsequently piled upon the Space Wolves.
No living Imperial knows the true fate of the Emperor's Samaritans, and the Chaos Marines aren't talking. Immediately following the genocide, the other Legions noticed the Samaritans' disappearance, but chose to ask no questions. When asked about the missing Chapter, the Space Wolves consistently replied, in unison, "I don't know, they were here just a minute ago; I think the Blood Angels saw them last," whereas the Blood Angels pointed their fingers at the Imperial Fists, who looked to the Whitescars, and so on. In time, even this pretense ended, and the Marines would simply shrug and look confused. Hundreds of years later, the truth of the matter was well and truly lost to time, and there was no longer any way to determine the true nature of the second Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes. When the Inquisition came into its full power, unearthing the truth behind this "Lost Chapter" seemed to be a thankless job, when all the money was in squelching open heresy and in daemon-hunting, so the decision was made to delete all remaining records and declare the missing chapter an "official mystery.")